Episode 23: Family Wounds | Part 1 (Fathers)
Dr. Bob and Jake discuss the power of a father’s love and his capacity to wound. Fathers plant deep seeds in their children’s hearts with what they said or didn’t say and what they did or didn’t do. The restoration of wounds from our fathers is life-changing.
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Show Notes
Guiding Quote
“...The language of faith thus draws on the human experience of parents, who are in a way the first representatives of God for man.” (CCC 239)
Key Points
We come to know God through our parents
There is a correlation between the love God has for us and attachment theory
One of the best gifts you can give your children is to work on your own woundedness
When we only focus on fixing our children, we make some progress. When we focus on dealing with our own wounds, we move from passing on wounds to passing on grace.
Our parenting might be rooted in vows resulting from our wounds, lies, and judgements
Our experiences create a lens through which we see the world (relational template or schema)
There are important stages of psychological development that, based on how they went, have far reaching influence on our experience of the world around us
No matter what happened in our upbringing, we are responsible for what we do with it
It’s not dishonouring of parents to name the experience you had as a child
We assess our lives, with the Holy Spirit, for the purpose of growing in love, not to condemn our caregivers
Fathers plant deep seeds in their children’s hearts with what they said or didn’t say and what they did or didn’t do
Fathers bestow identity
As parents and humans, we go into autopilot in life and that draws upon our automatic, ingrained reactions to life and others. This is another reason why healing is important.
We all desire affection and affirmation from a father.
When we are triggered, pause and ask the Holy Spirit to show us what this is rooted in and what we are being reminded of
Our experiences with our fathers can influence our experience of healing prayer because our fathers significantly influenced our view of God
We need to relearn the Father and one way to do that is through experiences of good men who, in little and big ways, show us who God the Father really is
Father wounds can come from males with influence/authority over us; these wounds aren’t only from our biological fathers
Practical Application
What are some words/phrases you would use to describe your earthly father’s love for you and how he raised you? (Our answers often reveal ways by which we have defined ourselves and the world around us)
Altars are places where things are transformed. Bring your memories and wounds to the altar.
Pray a simple prayer, “Father, father me.” Then expect and anticipate His goodness.
